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Jokes thread!!! (revived 2013)
- EXAMADNESS
- Posts: 530
- Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 6:37 am
- Location: South Africa
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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Mazda FE powered 2.0 16v N12 exa : http://forum.n12turbo.com/viewtopic.php?t=6592
Mazda 2.5 v6 KLDE into Nissan Exa "project" : http://forum.n12turbo.com/viewtopic.php?t=7442
Mazda 2.5 v6 KLDE into Nissan Exa "project" : http://forum.n12turbo.com/viewtopic.php?t=7442
- tassuperkart
- Administrator
- Posts: 5578
- Joined: Wed Jul 05, 2006 8:39 pm
- Location: Southern Tasmania
- Contact:
- tassuperkart
- Administrator
- Posts: 5578
- Joined: Wed Jul 05, 2006 8:39 pm
- Location: Southern Tasmania
- Contact:
- The Renegade
- Administrator
- Posts: 3002
- Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2006 7:22 pm
- Location: Telegraph Point - N.S.W. Mid North Coast
Here's one for you Evan!!!!
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Trust no-one but yourself.
The beast:
http://forum.n12turbo.com/viewtopic.php?t=3982
=====================
Mid North Coast Member.
=====================
Trust no-one but yourself.
The beast:
http://forum.n12turbo.com/viewtopic.php?t=3982
=====================
Mid North Coast Member.
=====================
That's a screen shot lifted straight from the 'Hobart Hillbillies', starring E Clampett, texting whilst trying to tune the old gal and getting all crossed up on the bridge.
Damo
Damo
Do humanity a favor, use your brain and fight the forces of WOO WOO!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1mrbxhWU5Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1mrbxhWU5Y
- The Renegade
- Administrator
- Posts: 3002
- Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2006 7:22 pm
- Location: Telegraph Point - N.S.W. Mid North Coast
bah ha ha ha ha ha
--------------------
Trust no-one but yourself.
The beast:
http://forum.n12turbo.com/viewtopic.php?t=3982
=====================
Mid North Coast Member.
=====================
Trust no-one but yourself.
The beast:
http://forum.n12turbo.com/viewtopic.php?t=3982
=====================
Mid North Coast Member.
=====================
- tassuperkart
- Administrator
- Posts: 5578
- Joined: Wed Jul 05, 2006 8:39 pm
- Location: Southern Tasmania
- Contact:
- The Renegade
- Administrator
- Posts: 3002
- Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2006 7:22 pm
- Location: Telegraph Point - N.S.W. Mid North Coast
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest and shoot the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest and shoot the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
--------------------
Trust no-one but yourself.
The beast:
http://forum.n12turbo.com/viewtopic.php?t=3982
=====================
Mid North Coast Member.
=====================
Trust no-one but yourself.
The beast:
http://forum.n12turbo.com/viewtopic.php?t=3982
=====================
Mid North Coast Member.
=====================