Jokes thread!!! (revived 2013)

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EXAMADNESS
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Post by EXAMADNESS » Mon Sep 13, 2010 8:09 pm

:lol:
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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck :shock: then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us :o Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline :? I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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ETONE
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Post by ETONE » Mon Sep 13, 2010 9:58 pm

Why do girls fake orgasims???
Because they think we care.
Remember, nothings ever BOLT ON.

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tassuperkart
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Post by tassuperkart » Tue Sep 14, 2010 7:01 pm

How do you give a woman an orgasm?
Forcd4 wrote:Oh fuk no dude it's you a again, the oracle.

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tassuperkart
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Post by tassuperkart » Tue Sep 14, 2010 7:01 pm

Who gives a shit!
Forcd4 wrote:Oh fuk no dude it's you a again, the oracle.

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Ash
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Post by Ash » Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:28 am

tassuperkart wrote:How do you give a woman an orgasm?
fuck that. I'm in it for ME! :twisted:

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The Renegade
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Post by The Renegade » Mon Feb 25, 2013 7:38 pm

Here's one for you Evan!!!!

Image
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Damo
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Post by Damo » Mon Feb 25, 2013 9:36 pm

That's a screen shot lifted straight from the 'Hobart Hillbillies', starring E Clampett, texting whilst trying to tune the old gal and getting all crossed up on the bridge.


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Do humanity a favor, use your brain and fight the forces of WOO WOO!


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The Renegade
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Post by The Renegade » Tue Feb 26, 2013 8:48 am

bah ha ha ha ha ha
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tassuperkart
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Post by tassuperkart » Tue Feb 26, 2013 8:40 pm

Idiots.... idiots i have to deal with....bah!
Forcd4 wrote:Oh fuk no dude it's you a again, the oracle.

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The Renegade
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Post by The Renegade » Tue Mar 26, 2013 2:27 pm

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest and shoot the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
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Trust no-one but yourself.

The beast:
http://forum.n12turbo.com/viewtopic.php?t=3982
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Ash
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Post by Ash » Sun Jul 07, 2013 8:53 am

That is brilliant Glenn :lol:

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